not the normal drug dependence

[fruitymama]

Hi everyone,

I struggled with where this thread would fit and if I chose the wrong place let me know-still hammering it all out. Anyway, I wanna talk about something that I have a hard time talking
about with anyone. I am addicted to pill taking. It doesn't have to be anything controlled...I just feel the need to take pills. If I cannot get ahold of pharma pills I will take vitamins or supplements of some kind. So basically I am dependent on pills and I only see this escalating. I am not looking for high or a downer, I just do not feel balanced unless I am taking a ton of pills all day. I have searched the internet to see if other people have this kind of issue, and I usually find those who are dependent on hard stuff. And I finally realized that if i
did not keep myself in check as I do-that I would have no problem getting hooked on hard stuff. I have an addictive personality, but I also have people in my life who I would not want to destroy by my addictions. I am not sure the point behind me posting this...other than just letting me say "out loud" (not really I know) what I deal with.

Thanks guys I have enjoyed reading and being a part of your community on here. You are a great support team!

[Bearsfan]

Hi @fruitymama (great name btw), welcome aboard!

I would have to disagree with you in that I don't think what you have is not a "normal drug depedence". Drug addiction is specific to each individual, and somehow you have to this point at least kept it in check. Any pill you ingest you are doing so to alter your chemical makeup in some way, and it could be that just the mere process of taking and swallowing the pills is what your body and mind crave, because this time it just might be that "perfect pill" that makes everything better.

This addiction could be treated like any other one, with support groups like NA and/or outpatient therapy. If you do not feel up for that just yet, you could try to channel that toward what you said: take more healthy alternative pills like vitamins and such and trick your mind into thinking you are doing something else. Then just try to figure out what it is that makes you want to change or punish yourself, it's all about something you are not happy with or holding a grudge over with yourself. Forgive yourself and try to realize you deserve to make yourself happy and satisfied, not just those around you. I know it sounds corny but you could try simple daily affirmations, set small goals to not take any pills for 4-6 hrs., then praise yourself and try longer the next day. Put up notes about how great you are (even in secret if you need to) to start feeling better about yourself and stop the punishment.

Hoping for the best for you, BF

[Tantalum]

You probably took some kind of pill at one point that activated the reward centers of your brain. Then your brain associated taking any pills with the reward, not just the one that originally stimulated it. Some people have a more dangerous form of the same thing with IV and the association will lead them to try IV'ing almost anything.

[fruitymama]

@Bearsfan thank you so much for the honest response. You are right a drug addiction is just that regardless of what you are addicted too. It never really occurred to me that NA might benefit me. And I desperately want to know what pulls me towards the addiction. Consciously I don't seem to be able to be honest with myself, even in therapy. If that makes sense? I just try to take one day at a time. Thanks for the great suggestions

---------- Post added at 03:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:54 PM ----------

@Tantalum that does make sense somewhat. I think I would understand my addiction more if I actually had done recreational drugs, but I never have. Also, just typing this out and reading the responses has made me realize there is no difference in what I do and what a recreational drug user does.

[efficaceous]

It might help you to think of your addiction to pill taking as closely resembling trichtillomania, or any other compulsive disorder.

[fruitymama]

@efficaceous , my brother suffers from Trichotillomania-you could be onto something there. Strange.

[efficaceous]

Another thought: http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_t...pedintime4.pdf
I know, a reading from the AA big book- horrors! But as a pill taker this one really resonated with me.

[MADKW]

tray to take tik tak or M&M or mint by the way are you a smoker ??

[MuscleMommy]

You can get addicted to anything whether it be meds or the act of something such as taking meds. I am addicted to a heating pad. I know it is weird and I have burn marks on my back because I feel I have to lay on it 24/7 and so yes I classify myself as addicted. I have to have a heating pad all the time. It started when I had a muscle spasm and the heat helped then from then on I have been somewhat addicted to the heating pad.....I know I am very strange.

[efficaceous]

Actually you are not alone, I know of another person who had an addiction to her heating pad.

[JustJ]

You could always just go with your natural desires and invest 20-30$ in a capping machine. You can buy empty capsules and fill them with something good for you... i dunno powdered spinach? I can totally understand how years of taking things can lead you to a place where you feel you MUST take things... no matter what. Just a suggestion - and the unit are really helpful too. Powdered and capped tumeric or cayenne - both great for pain.

[JustJ]

Also, I don't know if I would call it an addiction to the heating pad (in my case) but there was a point last summer where I had to use one constantly for months and also ended up with a nasty burn - kind of looks like a spider web tattoo. Now it's been another 9 months and it has not healed or improved at all. So careful with those things...

[MuscleMommy]

Yup that is kind of how mine looks. I am trying to use it less and less each day but it is a mental struggle......UGH....it does stink when you depend on something so much when it is only a mental thing you know?

[fruitymama]

Great feedback guys!! Thank you! I am not a smoker but and forgive me as this sounds crass but I am very orally fixated. I have realized watching that show sometimes called my weird addiction, that there are some crazy addictions out there. So the heating pad didn't phase me as odd. Maybe those who don't admit their addictions are the real odd balls.

I love this group of people.

[ogrethegreat]

My dad got this same thing but from resting his laptop on his stomach. His has been there for over a year now. Of course, I don't think he has given up the habit yet. Likely its scarring so will probably only fade. I've got a scar that is simply appears as a discoloration from one of those spray air bottles. A joker sprayed me with the propellant.